Drawar

I have written a lot of words since I started my first blog in 2003 and this is the first time I can say that I am proud of every word that I have written on a site. I used to write to get a ton of traffic. While getting a lot traffic and a lot of viewers is a nice side effect that happens from time to time, I’m more happy with the reaction that I get with the stuff that I write. If you do great stuff and find an outlet to promote it then there is a good chance it will spread. Not everything I do is great, but if I can create something great every once in a while then my life becomes that much more fulfilling.

I know you have the same fire inside of you that I do and that is what this article is about. There is no greater time than now to create and do what we want to do, but what will drive you?

I like to create. That’s what I do. I have an idea and I run with it. This is what drew me into web design and development. You have an idea and there is nothing stopping you from putting that idea to screen and pushing it out to the world. Problem is, the idea is always better than the implementation. Doesn’t matter what it is, sooner or later I am going to hate it.

That’s right, I might not hate it now, but give me some time and I will. The design of this site? I absolutely hate it with almost every fiber of my being. It works. I know it works because people continue to come and visit it. However, I know it could be better. It could be more appealing. It could function better under the hood. The bounce rate could be lower and the pageviews per visit could be higher.

Don’t even get me started on the articles that I have written. I’m proud of each and every one of them that I put out, but don’t let me go back and read one because I will rip it to shreds. So many holes in my arguments and so many ideas that I forgot to put down. I could have taken a bit more time on the layout of each one to truly make them all unique. I hate them all.

I read a lot during the day and I see a ton of fascinating work being done all around me. This is the work I should be doing. My work should be greater than their work. I hate my work, but it is this hatred that continues to drive me. Because it really isn’t hate at all. It is love. I love to try to attain something better.

My ideas can be sharpened. My code can be refactored to run faster. The great design solution I so desperately seek is out there as long as I keep pushing for it. It’s when I stop having this hate for all that I do inside of me that my work begins to suffer. When I just don’t care either way about it anymore it becomes work best done by someone else.

You can call it passion. Others might call it perfectionism. I call it hate. I hate that someone else has a better site than me. I hate that the ideas in my head only stay there because I don’t make the time to push them out. I hate that everything I push out could be better. Don’t worry though, it isn’t a bad thing. It’s what works in my favor because when I realize what I hate, then I understand what I need to improve.

If I don’t like an idea being in my head then I make sure to get it out. Even if the first version is rough because I know I will hate it and want to improve it. This hatred isn’t anger, it’s an annoying little bug whispering in my ear to make it better or to get it done. This hatred is my friend and although it isn’t always nice to me, it is doing the right thing for me. This hatred loves me and that is why it pushes me.

I have been fortunate to do a lot of traveling to various conferences this year and it has been awesome talking to a lot of people about their companies and projects. It is great to hear the passion they have for the work and the amount of time they put into it to make it right. I hate these talks just as much though because I know where I want to be. I know the next time I see these people I want to be able to tell them about the great work that I have done. No, I want them to already know about the great work that I have done without me having to say a thing.

I know there will be days I wake up and forget about this feeling, but my good friend hate will come and remind me. He will let me know that I love to create and in doing so I must find what I want to improve upon. In this case, it is everything.

The best day to improve is today. I have to keep reminding myself of that.